by stephen warley

No, it’s not “Serenity now!” as Frank Costanza on Seinfeld once screamed over and over again!

I wake up every morning with a jumble of thoughts in my head.

I have to say it’s tempting to scream, “Serenity now!”

It’s mostly stuff weighing on my mind from the day before like unresolved arguments, unfinished tasks and a sprinkle of self-loathing. Before my feet even hit the floor I am already worried about getting stuff done in the day ahead.

Worse, I think about stuff I have no idea why it’s even on my mind!

Needless to say, I used to start off each day fairly anxious and that feeling persisted throughout the day because I left these thoughts unchecked. I got out of bed already feeling behind. 

I was anxious because I lacked focus and immediately let the demands of my thoughts dictate the course of my day.

I wanted a calmer start to my day, so I decided to change this unproductive pattern. I decided to meditate for at least 5 minutes soon after I woke up.

To help me meditate, I decided to adopt a mantra.

What Is a Mantra?

I had some light experience with yoga and meditation, so I was exposed to the concept of “mantras”.

They are a saying or even a sound repeated over and over to help you concentrate during meditation. They help quiet and guide your thoughts.

I also like to think of them as an intentional prayer or a chant.

Mantras have evolved to become statements of how you might live your life or act in certain situations. They can guide your values. They can be a useful reminder in the development of your habits or making a change as significant as lifestyle design.

I use my mantra to set the tone for my day by using it to guide my thoughts and actions in alignment with my desired lifestyle. It replaces my anxious monkey chatter with thoughtful intentions.

My Daily Mantra

This is the mantra I recite to myself each morning. It was of my own invention.

Grow By Creating

Love By Listening

Teach By Learning

Let Go And Make It Happen

Instead of adopting someone else’s mantra (which is perfectly fine), I wanted one that would help me become the person I wanted to be. I wanted it to be in my own voice. 

So what does each line mean?

Grow By Creating

I believe the best method for learning about yourself is through the act of creating.

Our modern lifestyle constantly distracts us by presenting opportunities to “consume” something, rather than to“create” something.

Almost everything in our lives is done for us now. We are living the reality of the Jetsons. We spend most of our waking hours consuming something made by someone else. TV entertains us, social media makes us feel connected and Amazon does all our shopping for us.

I know that challenging myself to “create” instead of “consume” will spark me to take action, to move my body, to create meaningful connections with others and to slow down my life, so I can reflect on it.

We need to consume to live, but I felt my create-to-consume ratio was badly out of balance. Is yours?

That simple mantra helps me look for countless ways every day to challenge myself to experiment every day, so I can get to know myself a little bit better.

Love By Listening

I admit it, I haven’t always been the most attentive listener in my life.

I was married for six years. It’s taught me a lot about listening to say the least! I believe my marriage helped me become a better listener. 

I believe one of the greatest expressions of love is to listen deeply. I’m not just talking about listening to the words coming out of someone’s mouth, but the tone in which they are delivered.

How often do you give your fullest and most undivided attention to someone you care about?

I want to actively give the people I love most my full attention throughout the day. We all have the attention span of a gnat now! 

When I call my mom, I eliminate all distractions. I’m not in front of a TV, I’m not on my laptop and I ignore any text messages that pop up on my phone. She lives in Florida and I don’t see her nearly as much as I would like. When I talk to her she has my full attention as she deserves.

“Love to listen” has saved me a lot of time, energy and emotion by liberating me from chronic cycles of miscommunication. It has also deepened my most valued relationships. 

Teach By Learning

I have played the role of teacher in many different ways throughout my career as a journalist, trainer, consultant and coach.

It’s tempting to believe you have all the answers because you are being paid for your “expertise,” but that’s just not true. I didn’t know everything about anything I taught, but I was never afraid to show my desire to learn something new.

I believe the most inspirational teachers are those who share how they learn and empower you to think for yourself. Leading by example is a much more inspirational method of teaching than lecturing as an all-knowing guru.

As I teach you about lifestyle design, I want to experiment alongside you.

I want to be accessible and approachable, not removed and out of touch. That can only happen if I show you I am a student, just like you. The process of learning about yourself never ends. I may have accumulated more experience in lifestyle design than you, but you are a subject I know nothing about (but I’m looking forward to learning more!)

Growing up, my parents told my sister and ! that we could only ask them questions about our homework when we got stuck and didn’t know how to go any further.

They taught us by making us learn on our own, but offered a gentle nudge when we needed it.

I believe you can only learn something deeply when you know it for yourself. It also makes you a much better teacher. 

Let Go And Make It Happen

The last part of my mantra is a reminder to take imperfect action. It’s always better to take some action than no action at all.

Progress is better than perfectionism. You can learn from progress. Perfectionism makes you feel like a failure.

“Let Go” helps challenge my mindset to let go of past perspectives, limiting beliefs and assumptions, so I can be open to new alternatives.

Once I’ve cleared my head, “Make It Happen” reminds me to take action with whatever resources I have available to me including my own personal energy and time.

Make do with what you have, don’t wait for the “perfect time” because there isn’t one except for right now.

Creating Your Own Mantra

If you are considering creating your own mantra, I would encourage you to align it with your values as I have. My daily mantra reminds me to live my values every day.

If you don’t know how to describe your values, start discovering them here.

You might also want to create a mantra focused on changing a particular behavior or habit you want to adopt that will help you design your ideal lifestyle.

Make the first word in your daily mantra the “habit” you want to change, followed by the “action” you will take to alter that habit as I have done.

So you might be wondering, how exactly did my daily mantra reduce my anxiety?

It gives me the courage to be who I am. It gives me confidence in my decisions, so I know what I accomplish each day is exactly what needs to get done to live my values.